Saturday, 20 December 2014

2014, In Nutshell

2014, I have lost everybody for speaking truth as it is, I have lost everyone for seeking truth, some questions must be left unanswered, some deeds must be kept hidden..
In 2014, I have lost myself after discovering the truth of my life and my people..

Nobody can see you naked, neither do we can stand naked in the society, clothes to cover up the nature's truth..
It was nobody's mistake, I am hypocrite, I couldn't take the truth when I dug deeper to unearth trust, beliefs, reality, promises, commitments, religion, body mind and soul, relationship and human being. .
The ugliest figures I have seen is of truth, and now nothing seems ugly in comparison.. everything is beautiful now.. because I know what am I looking at and whom am I talking to and what I shall be getting..
Ergo, Don't grow up more than your age, curiosity kills the cat, ignorance is bliss, it's not important to know all the answers and all unlock all the mysteries, don't play with nature's hidden secret, whatever the almighty has created and howsoever he runs is perfect, surrender and don't challenge him.. nothing is as pleasurable as being an dumbfuck brainless asshole..
Being idiot is a blessing in life.. 2014, hats off to you..
You taught me the best lessons and chose the best teachers..

Every end is a new beginning to go through a journey and reach it's end.. 

Thursday, 18 December 2014

Life's a battlefield

I mocked myself in the mirror," so, who was it? This time what did he call himself by?"
"My Shadow Self.." I said,  anguished eyes gave a tearing look into my reflection inside the mirror, who was smiling.. rather mocking me..
"interesting.. I hope, you did not fall in love with him again" said she, the mirrored me.
"I did, I did love him, again, I told him prior.. " look, you're the last person I am trusting in this life, never leave.."
"Ha..ha.. and holding your hands back he must have said, I love you, very convincingly, like the primitive vultures who ripped flesh out of the bones of your soul?"
"Yes".... and I had nothing to say..
A deep silence between us both in the room, raped by the ticking of clock..

A long sigh broke the ice " anyways.. I am now immune to it, not a bit hurt rather free by decision I took"

"Ah.. okay.. so.. why these thoughts, even once in while"

"Well because, I have questions to be answered, because I want to look deep into his eyes and see if the karma really exists, how he gonna accept the fact that this was a betrayal too? Leaving me in lurch, taking the leftovers I had, kept me standing naked in the middle of the road, unanswered to the public.. who am i? Why am I standing naked here? On the road which leads to nowhere..

I can see, those previous rapist of my soul standing in the public, shouting " where is the confidence lady? Where is your protector? Where is your Godfather?"

Unanswered.. still standing head straight, and screaming inside my head "I am betrayed again by a man, he wasn't my lover, he was my... ah.. I can't name it"..

"Shadow self"? Said my reflection..
How is he supposed to have a shadow when he never existed?
But.. I believed, he did, he held my hands, we laughed and dreamt of being together forever, i was like a daughter, he said, he loved me and said to be there..  I'm.. but.. "

"Your trust is raped again sweetheart.. now get ready, you're getting late for your customers" said my reflection..

I wore the best of my smile and the most seductive attitude, blushed my cheek bones with charming red and made my eyes look slutty..
I was all ready for men because now I have seen all of their masks, of lover, of friend, of father, of brother, of Guardian, of pathfinder, of companion, of being the soul and the soulmate..

I am just waiting in this dark lane of infamous brothel because someday he will cross by, dressed up like a saint, and I will tell him," the little girl you found on the roadside, threw away by her rapist - bruised and wounded, bleeding and broken; recovered and healed By you, is the queen of this dark alleyway, and you're nothing less than those Monsters who took away her innocence, you're the same, ugly and disgusting and I hate you."

Just an another experience of my life who taught me, doesn't matter, in what avatar they come, they shall be the predators and this combat shall never end dear shadow self, the game has just begun.. and I shall not play to win but to see, to what extent you lose your humanity to win..

Wednesday, 3 December 2014

कोई बेसबब होता तो क्या बात थी"

कोई बेसबब होता तो क्या बात थी"
तू कुछ अलग होता तो क्या बात थी
बे-माना बे-मतलब होता तो क्या बात थी
हम तो आए तेरी बाँहों में,
की मौका-परास्त है ये क़ातिल दुनिया,
तू सबसे छुपा कर क़त्ल ना करता तो क्या बात थी
तू बे-मतलब होता तो क्या बात थी..

हम भी मुस्कुरा दिए खुदा तेरी बिसात पर
कोई चाल तू नई चलता तो क्या बात थी..
दर्द दे दे कर, इस दिल को किया बे-दर्द,
बस एक जिस्म भी मर्द सा देता तो क्या बात थी..
मैं क्या जवाब दूं तेरे इज़्हार-ए-मुहोब्बत का?
इक़रार-ए-मुहोब्बत का रास्ता है दिल से लबों तक,
लहू-लुहान ना करते जुबाँ को ये नासूर तो क्या बात थी,
बस एक तू ना होता मेरे कातिलों की फेहरिस्त में शामिल
और होता तो होता सीने पर तेरा वार,
तो क्या बात थी.. तो क्या बात थी..