Monday, 13 October 2014

sometimes you've to quit..

I failed many times.. I didnt quit and kept trying because I had hope and faith that I will succeed one day since "nothing succeeds like success".. I failed again.. once more try more efforts and lost once again..
My mistake was I was trying something which is actually impossible, because blindly I couldn't change my perception of following the set rules of my life that " try try try and fail but don't fail to try.." And "A quitter never wins or a winner never quits" or may quote " there is nothing called IMPOSSIBLE because itself it says I M POSSIBLE" such quotes and prejudices do not fit everywhere.. the pursuit of achieving something I wanted, I made efforts more than it was required, spent resources, emotions, time, and every best possible techniques at my wits end to succeed because of the "obsession to win" but I failed every time I worked harder..

Well, this obsession snatched everything gradually and I didn't notice, or say I avoided to see that I'm losing eventually, everything.. Everyone..

I should have kept open mind and realise, I'm drilling the rock to get water, maybe the rock camouflaged to be a fertile ground or I was blind to trust, avoiding the apparent outcomes..

That's why I say, I'm the dumbest idiot i have ever seen and I'm the most hardworking and dedicated learner I have ever experienced.. Eh.. Too metaphorically I ranted here the philosophical epic verbose none gonna get through..
Maybe that's why I am single, unmarried, self obsessed drama queen trying to cuddle and make others giggle in uncontrollable mirth because I have lived a loyal relationship and got cheated, keep too high expectations from a man hence without keeping space for negotiations, I speak truth and have nothing to hide, and because I know when someone is emotionally shattered or is simply sad, one doesn't need piles of suggestions and solution, evaluation and speculation of faults and errors but needs someone to listen how much it hurts.. How it feels to get hurt.. And to answer just a simple question "why it happened with me? I was right and didn't do wrong!!!"
I be the "because" for someone's "why" for I know the hurt has the answers but not the courage to accept it..

I've seen worst, faced worst, seen unexpected incidents and grew up prematurely and that's why I keep it silly as nothing is as pleasurable as being a fool.. Knowing nothing.. It's not that simple as I want.. Nay, ain't necessary if I'm a finicky with Truth
, dedication and loyalty types 'one man' woman fixation, the others must be like me.. I should keep my skull open too and accept, that I'm nobody..

Also, I'm ready for more worst not because I'm aforementioned idiot of highest order but because I've seen people who stood by me dealing with their problems, in disastrous situation than I'm, and because to do, undo, redo, learn, realize, understand, unlearn and relearn is the journey through the purgatory called THE LIFE!!

Anyways.. Happy Sunday ahead!!

The best couple in reality

Exactly A year back, I was sitting in my bed - sad because I could not attend my One and only Rockstar besti's marriage with one of the cutest girls I have ever seen in my life.

A relationship of tom and jerry, yeah that's what it is.. probably somewhere I have learnt what's love and a committed relationship means, well it simply means KAMA and ADITI to me. The Best couple I have ever seen, ever felt, ever admired and witnessed.
The panju beauty and mallu beast..
I am just a mediocre unknown writer connecting virtual people and making them fall in a kind of love where the promise of staying together means NO MATTER WHAT I'LL STAND BY YOU IN GOODS AND BADS. A relationship where fights occur just to own each other, to be together. For me that real love is you both in flesh and fat and a freaking 6ft long bones..
Rarest of the rare women are like my punjabi kudi ADDU who stick by a man for a decade with a determination in heart to give a real shape to a fairy tale and The man who stood up to his promise and played equal part in shaping the dream of love. KAMA  the mixologist who had been a guide, a support, an unknown motivating inspiration for years for me to become a fictionist.. for what I'm known for, an erotic romance writer, for guiding my pen to stop never, for dealing all my craziness with patience, and for being the first reader of my first erotic fiction.. for teaching me love and for being there at midnight so that I can make my first love feel special..with no expectations in return.. nothing, except my happiness.  I have grown up to a working woman from a plumped college girl,  And could have done nothing without you Daa!!!
Can say If I had someone after my dad to help me learn relationships and friendship, It's K.M.KAMA who apparently did nothing but had been the only one to stand by all my good and bad decisions to pick me up when I fall.
A mere thank you or congratulations wouldn't be enough, ergo I bow down in front of my inspirations and promise that my first erotic romance in print would be dedicated to you both.
I gift you my writing forever my dearest friend and his beautiful soul.
I had nothing else more precious than this, my existence..

Wish you a very happy marriage anniversary, with all my blessings and everything I had..

Keep inspiring me by RISING IN LOVE, supporting me like elders and holding hands like forever there.

Love you guys. . A lot!
.. Golu