Tuesday, 3 June 2014

Confession of a rake


"Men.. they're just an another source of my live entertainment.."

.. Would have forgiven you, just like some other day.. Could have rolled back to the missionary fashion of dealings with you..
Should have killed you when you chose infidelity - even in the thoughts..
Was I just a slice of meat on your bread?
To enjoy, to relish, to satisfy the crave of your manhood? Or was it all just the journey to sending me in the brothel of love..? The path you showed me filming my eyes with dreams, my heart with desires, my existence to complete you , YOU being the origin of my thoughts and the horizon of efforts to make you happy..

I was a princess insulted like a whore.. who to blame? You My king? Who could never step out of his narcissistic Dominion.. Or the woman in profession of barter of body and soul? Or myself? To have such a weak dedication that your hate won over my love?

I see you enjoying my tears when I spread myself on someone else's bed, when the vultures eat the flesh from my numb body.. Exactly the was you demanded me to be-- "to be your whore"..
..Given you the keys of trust to lock me safely inside your arms, remember each time there was a theft in the security of your love lock- I begged to protect me and never let me go an inch away from you?
..and you never could overview your own security system blinded by prejudices of experienced planning..

Did everything to love you my love.. And would still do.. Anything to feel you..
Laugh louder so that my groans couldn't reach you.. Scream and shout to the level that the sound of slaughterhouse can't reach you..
Forgiving you is the easiest thing I did always, forgiving myself isn't my thing, like you said ' I adore the pain'...

Come, bed like me with everyone and feel 'how much I loved you'..

Last pages of my maroon diary - Himadri."