Tuesday, 28 May 2013

"Itz all over" and he walked away...

He killed me, because he knew how to kill me, because I gave him the weapon to kill me..
I was smiling silently when I said " I won't get anything by fighting with you, not even the alimony"
As usual, Like I tease him, " I love you for your property"
When he said, " don't behave like other female members of my family, I have earned a lot, more than you, I won't take a minute to leave you"

I said, " Go" and kept walking, he couldn't see that I was still smiling at the property thing, was about to turn and sing "jiye aap kahan jayenge, ye nazar laut ke fir aayegi' leaving all the differences behind, we are used to.

As I turned, I saw him walking away, far from my sight to the metro station, I was still smiling, expecting he will see me once and I will laugh.

And he walked away.. I kept standing there, expecting he might be hiding nearby among the cars in the parking lot of Connaught place.

I was standing, where he left, the curve on my face started fading.
After ten minutes I received a few messages, what was written in those messages, I couldn't understand, because I never meant that. I am the one who consider him my pride, the cause of my existence.

I could understand only the last line.. "Itz all over"

It was enough to understand that he left me in the middle of nowhere.
Everything just blacked out, I tried to cry but couldn't, all I was trying and focusing was not to cry in public.

I walked a few steps and saw Mr.Sahay, the famous puppet seller of CP, sitting with some north eastern people, they were helping Mr. Sahay to sell puppets and were talking to him.

I never believed in the story of Mr. Sahay, That he is retired and selling puppets for the survival of his wife and him.

I watched him, standing there and smiled again. Honestly, I wanted to sit by his side and ask "Do you really work for your wife?"

Anyways, I waited there for more than an hour, expecting him to come back, I couldn't dare to call him. I didn't want to call him..

.. a person, who can leave me, in the middle of the road, for no prime reason,how can I expect him to stay by my side for the life long...?

He didn't care, how will I go back? Didn't even think for once what will happen if he leaves? His messages said, I supported him till he was earning well? When did I ask for anything? What did I take from him except his presence and support? I couldn't answer these questions.. Probably I am also among those girls who USE men for money.. And above all,I know I am not a kid that I won't be able to go home back, but  He really didn't take One minute to leave me.

My mother called me up at 7:00 pm, I realized, I am late for home..
I hired an auto and left CP for my home. After getting inside the Auto, I couldn't stop myself. I hid my eyes with my goggles and cried the whole way to my home.. 

Auto driver asked me once, " Madam aap theek hain?''
I said, "haan bhaiya, thoda jaldi chala lijiye"

I wiped my tears by my sleeves and reached home.

Maa was as usual frustrated and yelling at me for being late.
I said nothing to her and realized, "well, nothing has changed, life is same, once again, back to zero"

He knew, I have nothing else, except him, He himself said "you will be dead the day I leave you"

He was right, I am dead, maybe.
I found it true, 'you cannot realize how strong you are until to be strong is the only option left'

At night, the same routined dinner, insomniac life style, yes I cried and I will, whenever I will miss him and by the time I will be strong 'again'

Well, once again, I loved and lived. To be honest, I am blank with no feelings. 
Maybe I have grown up, maybe I am practical, Maybe I am just an Idiot, I was..

And I am still smiling like an idiot, because I have two crazy old people to take care and a long life ahead.. :)


  1. So touching is this masterpiece by you that it compelled me to read it four times. The very first line "He killed, because he knew how to kill me, because I gave him the weapon to kill me." , was so eye-catching that I had to peruse it thoroughly. What I loved most about this piece is the courage shown by the girl. She showed that girls ,indeed, are emotionally stronger than guys and can compose themselves very soon .
    I can't comment on your post on fb, so I did it here.
    Kudos to the Raconteuse


  2. This is stilling. Stilling and I feel it too. A part of you dies when another hurts. We come back to life, we heal. Like it or not, we heal, and give again. It keeps one beautiful. To rise again. I can see you do. And I love that you can write like that. U're amazing

  3. Losing in love can be the most devastating experience in life for those who think with their hearts.. but it also strengthens us in a way we never thought possible.

  4. Great article. I am going through a few of these
    issues as well..

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