Sunday, 30 December 2012

Last Pages of My Maroon Diary #5




Last Pages of My Maroon Diary #5 

Love,

I've met Stacy today. Remember that blonde girl at cafe who used to greet us with wide smile. She asked about you. I somehow managed to hide irk on my face saying you are occupied with work and shall visit soon.

She made me my regular coffee, not tasting the same though. I sat at upper corner chamber near toilet. Yes, the same where we made love for the first time in public place.
The delirium and hustle-bustle made us laugh later for months. I never knew you are so crazy about ‘Quickies’ in public places.
I was so skittish after leaving the toilet and I guess Stacy read it on my face. I’m bad at hiding my facial expressions.

I never dared to do it again.
“ I wanna make you numb over the bonnet of my car”
This demand of yours beefed up the labyrinth of my pupil and my cheeks shined red.
I miss your crazy moves.

Goa,
The first time we were there weekending, it was the starting of winters here and we flew away there just for the moderate weather.
The sky was brown like the colour of your unusual eyes and I was staring at you.
I dug my toe into the loosely packed wet sand and writhed them.
“Beach, Bikini, Babe, Beer, Blue, Bask... The best!” you said looking towards a broken shell beside my toe.
“And BOYS..” I added and smiled teasingly.
“ah.. come ‘on I know you’re not into boys.. You like men!”
“I have my man!” I coated the statement with pride.
‘Let’s fuck,’ you said, your eyes darkened a bit more.
‘ What? Right now? Here?’ I laughed.
‘Yes, I want it, seriously. Come on. Don’t be such a tight ass.’
I gawked quickly around me. ‘well.. Ummm… sure, only a few dozen people know us here, what about issuing a tickets?’
Overlooking my funk you held my wrist tightly and dragged me into the sea.
‘Kabeer, I exhorted, It’s not right, risky… look at the waves, they are more desperate than you!’
You placed the flat of your palm on my bottom.
“ I know it’s dangerous. I like it the way.’

A huge wave hit us as we plodded into the blue. You were sharp at reconnoitring. I was amazed at myself, what am I doing with so unpredictable you – an intelligent, well build, brown eyed man with sarcastic sense of humour and of course romance running into veins.

We were waist deep into the violent salty water. You had a wild beacon in your eyes as you held on to my hand and pulled me deeper, the water reached my shoulders.
Lip locked, I was wrapped around you, balancing the pace and pleasure till the moment we were numb.
The mixture of my moan and your groan gave me a never fading moment..

Gosh the thrill.. and thrilling you..

Saturday, 29 December 2012

Last Pages of My Maroon Diary #1






Honey,
Breaking up and setting the hearts apart! Wish it could be too easy or at least manageable... Hard to explain how it feels... Without you...
I don't have any complaints against you or to the life. Why to complaint? You're not Here to hide me in your arms... I wanted to walk along with you... Far! Un-arranged feelings these are... How to arrange them with tears in eyes... I can't see these words, blurred... I'm okay... Trust me baby I am. See I can smile, I am getting red... and...

Ah... I know... All the things I said above made no sense at all... But will it make sense to you if I say it's really hard to smile without you.. I feel alone... When every morning I open my eyes and you're not around to wake me up!
When you're not there to she the blush, the time I'm going to bath and you always say... '' main bhi aau??''

... I miss you... my meal misses your touch of fingers...
... I miss myself... I love you...
Nights are killing love, dark and alone, I can hear the tick-tocking clock and my blocked nose echos in the silent room...

I need you, back... See my puffy eyes! You love my eyes a lot and now they're always red!

Come back... I want you sweetheart... I swear I won't ask for more Ice Creams...
And will give you my teddy bear too...
but...

Just...

Come back, once!

Last Pages Of My Maroon Diary #2



Baby,
... Yes, yet again another night and you're not near me.. Wish by my side, you could lay and cuddle me..
Kiss my eyes, kiss my cheeks, ruffle my hair and we could sleep..

I miss you and your whispers. Those warm pecks behind my ears and your chilled nose on my navel..

The way I take all the quilt and kick you out off the bed and you jump over me, wrap me and make me laugh.. A lot..

Every night I sleep with the dream of getting my favorite omelettes in the morning..

ummm.. I want all those moments back baby.. Come out of my dreams..

I miss you... I love you... :)
I need you... I want you...
I don't feel myself when you're not around.. Just to make me feel myself..

Come.. And hold me..

Last Pages Of My Maroon Diary #3




Dear Kabeer,
Yet another night and your memories are with me, between the sheets to make me wet..
I miss you and that kiss..
.. That moment still make my pores blush..
We celebrated my birthday on the back seat over those boiled eggs and coconut water and those pastries.. And of course that kiss.
Like an idiot I said ''don't kiss me'' and later I was not letting you to unlock the lipknot..
'' tumko toh kiss karna bhi nahi aata '' when you said these words and I started battling my eyelashes in nervousness.
.. You understood the palpitating lips and pumping lungs and held my hands..
Yes, that was the first kiss.. That made me lost..
Your pink pouts, so tasty..
The way I dug my nails on your shoulders..
And it all started with a peck after I ate those boiled eggs.. Umm.. Actually after you stuffed yourself at the back seat of your car and arranged all the candles over my favorite black forest pastries and my birthday eggs.. HeHe.. Yeah something like eggs you made me eat and explained how much time you took to prepare it..
..what was that??'' I don't know.. but I managed to swallow it.. Ah.. Come on! Don't frown now.. I loved the coconut water.. And I'll have those eggs entire my life if you promise me that hypnotising kiss..
.. You made me high and to confess, I lost my control..
Wanted to rub that chocolate all over my face and neck and make you lick me..
.. Bite my collar bones and make red patches..
Come out of my dreams Kabeer.. I miss you... And I need you..
How to express this Pain, how alone I feel without you...
My lips are dry.. And the only wetness is on the corners of my eyes, leaving patches that plays the part of a story teller every morning..

Make me feel special Kabeer.. Make me lose my senses again into that kiss..

Come.. please.. I miss you baby..

Last Pages Of My Maroon Diary #4

Love,
Love,

Yet another night and after a tiresome day. I'm not sad tonight but a bit high. I want to make love. Not just the physical act but the one, your favorite.. Night long fondling and the warmth of your skin.
The way you used to explore me.. These winter nights - nerve chilling and teeth sharpening.
Do you remember our last winters? And that night when I had to go upstairs just to escape from your chilled fingers. It was so cold and your fantasies.. You wanted to touch my skin.
Yes.. You won eventually and we made love on the terrace.
You were so warm and my goosebumps.. When you sucked my earlobes and kissed my neck.
I love your lips and when you cover me with your broad chest and I the battle between your lips and my fingers. You want to suck my tongue and I want you to suck my fingers..
Then just to win you tickle my waist and make me laugh!
Cheater!!

..You love when I wrap my white legs around you and lock you...
you stare me and my lashes.
Gosh.. The moment when you explore me and kiss all the beauty spots on my body..
Starting from my cheeks to the one at my ankle..
Your habit of biting my love handles and the flesh on my thighs..
When you hide me and come over me..
My protest makes you wild and the aroma of my skin temps the animal in you...

Baby..
When you rub the skin of my calf and put them on your shoulders to kiss them..
..when you insist to switch on the bed lamp just to read those poems you dedicated me the previous nights..
And I slide under the quilt hiding my face.
I can't face you... the spark in your eyes.. The winning stamp over my body that makes you my owner..

I want you make me blush again by saying '' failey huye kaajal, miti huyi in hontho laali, aur is halke sindoor me lipti huyi tumhari halki si muskaan.. Meri zindagi hai.. Love you a lot my strawberry..''
And the moment, I leave the bed with pride of being your lady love..

I want those moments back..
I want to relive you, your love, and that look when you feel my taste saying..
'' you were delicious''

I miss you...
Come back, anyhow, right now..

An year of doom




2012, Undoubtedly a black year.

Took away many lives, electrocuted many dreams, Radically full of heart shattering news.

Politics - Arts - Music - science - Sports- Personal- Professional- national and International.

Many of us, Left.

Too much of drama and panic.

Rifts in Relationships, Irking Love lives and Of course an year of depression..

and this shameful act of defilement made us join the hands notwithstanding the Religion, gender, Geographic or cultural issues. Yes We are one!

This "revolution" must not freeze now.

"United we stand, Divided we fall" was literally demeaned to " United we're GangRaped, Divided we're betrayed"




What to say more.. 'to move on' is a human tendency, Time is the ointment.

No body to blame..




lets see 2013.. A new pleasant morning after the tornado or have to burn the dead bodies of last night..




Whatever, but do NOT do, unless you know what you're doing..

it might kill your kitten, make you dance in Gagnam style with fire in your ass,

destroy your house and start the mayan apocalypse. LOL






Have fun.. :)



Tuesday, 25 December 2012

IGNORED??




Is Ignorance bliss??

We don't know.. because we IGNORED.. we never Tried to know..

Whether it's a word while reading a book, we IGNORE to consult dictionary.. and never know the word...

Or anything about our Society, Constitution, Environment.. 




Anything that is IGNORED is never KNOWN...

Monday, 24 December 2012

A wild frustration


..A day long wait sometimes make you frustrated. Yes, I was frustrated.
A kind of frustration that do not camber itself into anger but into a deep desire to get loved and pampered passionately.

Not his mistake. He loves me so much that day by day the expectations increase. After seven years of marriage, when we're marinated so much into each other's souls - nothing can be done or undone!

This frustration did not lead me to make a monkey face but to do something interesting. 
'I planned to seduce him'
This heed made me smile... actually blush.
"Um-Hmm.. Abhi nahi aana.. Sajna.. Mujhe thoda marne de.."
and heedlessly I hummed Sona Mohapatra.. [As usual, Wrong with lyrics... Maybe..]
while culling the sarees in my wardrobe. 
"Red? Nah!.. Umm.. Black? Tch, Lemme color the night with the shades of peach and pink"
My mind smiled with a consent as I marked the first box of check list of my 'Wild Strawberry'  night... Uhmm.. Wait..No gauze tonight.. let it be bare, uncovered.. 

Sunday, 23 December 2012

Wrong language but Right Feelings...










MISS YOU..




Breaking up and setting the hearts apart! Wish it could be too easy or at least manageable... Hard to explain how it feels... Without you...

I don't have any complaints against you or to the life. Why to complaint? You're not Here to hide me in your arms... I wanted to walk along with you... Far! Un-arranged feelings these are... How to arrange them with tears in eyes... I can't see these words, blurred... I'm okay... Trust me baby I am. See I can smile, I am getting red... and...

Ah... I know... All the things I said above made no sense at all... But will it make sense to you if I say it's really hard to smile without you.. I feel alone... When every morning I open my eyes and you're not around to wake me up!
When you're not there to she the blush, the time I'm going to bath and you always say... '' main bhi aau??''

... I miss you... my meal misses your touch of fingers...
... I miss myself... I love you...
Nights are killing love, dark and alone, I can hear the tick-tocking clock and my blocked nose ecos in the silent room...

I need you, back... See my puffy eyes! You love my eyes a lot and now they're always red!

Come back... I want you sweetheart... I swear I won't ask for more Ice Creams...
And will give you my teddy bear too...
but...

Just...

Come back, once!

Saturday, 22 December 2012

DON’T CASTRATE BUT EDUCATE..


DON’T CASTRATE BUT EDUCATE.. AT LEAST TO MASTURBATE!
AND IF YOU CAN’T
THEN STOP THIS BREACH BY BEING A LEECH!!!
BITCH PLEAAAAASSSSSEEEEE…..!!!!

सुनने में बुरा लग रहा है ना? "हाय हाय! लड़की हो कर कैसी बात करती है!" गन्दी बातें! छी !
गन्दी बाते क्यूँ? गंद की पैदाइश हो??
अब क्या करोगे? मेरा ही दमन करोगे? येही तो करते आये हैं हम, सदियों से!
बेटी-बहन-प्रेमिका-बीवी-माँ-दादी-इत्यादि इनकी बर्बादी!
नपुंसक क्यों बनाते हो? why castrate ? क्या होगा? जायेंगे
अरे मूर्खो हम इंसान है! बचपन से सिखाते हैं हमको सामना करना! तुम्हारे हो हल्ले को भी एक "चैलेंज" की तरह लेगे और बिना डरे "बलात्कार" करते रहेंगे!
मैं कहती हूँ DON’T CASTRATE BUT EDUCATE.. AT LEAST TO MASTURBATE!
क्यूँ नहीं sex education को बढ़ावा देते
आज भरी bus में "sex" चिल्ला दो तो सारी बस पलट के देखती है!
जो आज हल्ला मच रहे हैं वो सभी पढ़े लिखे सभ्य हैं लेकिन जिन्होंने कुकर्म किया वो तो जाहिल थे!
अगर सबको नहीं पढ़ा सकते? तो पैदा क्यों होने दे रहे हो?
जनता:"अरे ये कैसी बात करती है? क्या हम अपना खानदान आगे नहीं बढ़ाएंगे?''
सरकार : हम तो "education " हो पूरा बढ़ावा दे रहे हैं,लड़कियों को पढ़ा रहे हैं मुफ्त शिक्षा और खाना बाँट रहे हैं लेकिन "जनता" नहीं पढ़ती तो हम क्या करे?
जनता क्यों नहीं पढ़ती? इसका कारण क्यों नहीं ढूँढ़ते?
कानून और पॉलिसी निकलने से क्या होगा? वाकई में अस्तित्व में आई ही या कागज़ी है? ये पता करते हैं?
"blame - game " से फुर्सत मिले तब !
क्यों आम जनता को सड़क पर आना पड़ता है? अगर नहीं कर सकते कुछ भी तो क्यों जोंक की तरह चिपके पड़े हो?
ऐसी सरकार चुनी है तो जूते खाओ! और तुमको भी क्या दोष देना दूसरी सरकार कर क्या झंडे गाड़ देगी?
जो हो रहा है ठीक हो रहा है, चाहे पाप हो या पाप से लड़ाई! बहुत कुछ है कहने को लेकिन ही जेल जाना चाहती हूँ और ना ही आपलोगों की नज़र में "बुरी" बनना चाहती हु!
TO BE CONTINUED!

Sunday, 16 December 2012

Get some standard!



GET SOME STANDARD!!

Choose your company carefully, It's not necessary to be friends with them.

Even if you communicate socially-professionally-personally, do watch their 'behavior'
I won't say class or standard because it can be increased with money, but still money cannot provide you brains and the 'style/personality'
you learn a lot from your environment and surroundings.
Be with the people who are less mannered, less educated, less in class of living, even less cautious about their health and cleanliness and see the degradation in your own personality.

We have immense capability to get influenced by others very easily.
a week with DJs will surely develop a taste of music in you of their genre!!

You will only derogate your 'English' if you're given charge of a 'desi call center'.
or you will see the improvement in your health if you've joined a 'health freak club'
because choosing a higher group itself motivates you to bring up your 'level' to theirs, at least to communicate with them.
  
I'm sure you must have felt it somewhere down in your life too!

Remove the losers around you, walk with winners and eventually LEAD THEM !  

Friday, 7 December 2012

I am Born

" I am Born.."



Nine months,

Pregnancy,
the beginning of human life in the womb,
covered with love..
When all the feelings melt up without words,
waiting for a miracle with full of wisdom..
All things start from now..
When a sperm begins his journey,
looking for ovum,
when the fertilization occurs,
the unification of male and female genes,
Day one :
I begin my first journey,
towards the womb..
Day seven:
I reach my destination!
The place, I will stay for nine months..
Third week:
I became embryo,
and my heart starts beating…
I’m  now alive,
My hands and feet start to come out,
eight weeks:
I am now a foetus
ninth weeks:
My body begins to move
twelfth week:
When MOM takes USG..
She can see me clearly,
I now have a kicking reflexes,
my genitals begins to form,
Don’t check
either male or female,
first the hands, then my feet..
I begin exploring,
touching my head,
holding umbilical cord,
eighteen weeks:
when I’m kicking,
MOM can feel it,
I begin to open my eyes
and blinking
Twenty fourth Week:
every detail of my body begins to gain perfection..
Many sensations I can feel now,
hears sounds..
tasting amniotic fluid,
twenty sixth week:
ninety percent of my time is used for sleeping,
I begin to suck my finger
habit that will carry up to baby,
occasionally I will gulp,
and MOM will feel it,
twenty eighth week:
My brain now has a memory,
I recognize my MOM’s voice,
and music..
a slow music makes me relax and sleep,
twenty third week:
I had a dream..
don’t know.. what I dreamt about..
fortieth week:
I am ready to face the world 
struggle of mother,
time when I struggle to come out,
a first contact,
I suck my MOM’s breast,
My MOM’s tears
My DAD’s smile,
hear my voice,
hear my laugh
while you could,
look how cute I am,
I came to this world with an amazing way
to give you amazing hope and happiness..
Love me, I need you and especially I need your love..

You are like a pencil on canvas that shapes and colours your child’s life..



Thursday, 6 December 2012

Choice is yours..


MUST READ AND SHARE

Frequently posted photos and updates about cancer and AIDS on facebook and other social networking sites do aware us and we do share the information.
But I wonder why we do not talk about day-by-day increasing DEPRESSION and LONELINESS in our youth.
we're standing on the verge of suicides, mental disbalance, depression and self destruction.
We all cry and mourn about "NOBODY UNDERSTANDS ME" and "I AM SO LONELY"

Every night you can find yourself crying because you're unsatisfied with yourself and those Expectations..

you have everything, but still 1 thing is missing (anything) makes you feel like a looser.

you earn but you don't have a girlfriend = I'll commit suicide!
you love someone and he/she loves someone else = I'll commit suicide.
My parents don't understand/love me = I'll commit suicide.
I don't have a car but my friend has = I'll commit suicide.
I'm fat,skinny,tall,short,black..= I'll commit suicide.
I'm don't feel like studying or doing = I'll commit suicide.

I'm good for nothing = I'll commit suicide.

Well I do not have solution to the day-by-day getting stronger feeling of finishing your life..
even If I've, I won't lecture it.

you can spend every night in alcohol-drugs-sex and hide the inner scream in loud music where even you can't listen to it.
or
You may cry and curse your life daily at night and crib till you ruin your life..

FIGHT DEPRESSION, IT'S MORE CONTAGIOUS THAN AIDS..
"ye bas failta hai.."

Tuesday, 4 December 2012

Love Hurts

बचपन में कहीं पढ़ा था, इंसान आराम के साधन जुटाने में आराम खो देता है 
आज जब खुद करीब से देखा तो ये भी लगा की सिर्फ एक "प्यार" पाने के लिए इंसान जीवन भर कुछ न कुछ करता रहता है।
प्यार सिर्फ वो नहीं जो युगल प्रेमी करें या जो वोवाहोपरांत ( after marriage  )हो, अपितु वो है जिसकी इच्छा तब तक रहती है 'जब तक है जान'

सच कहूं तो मैं भी नहीं समझ पायी की "प्यार" क्या होता है?
कहते हैं मुहोब्बत के बिना साहित्य अधूरा है, साहित्य में खोजा तो किसी ने परमात्मा से जोड़ दिया, किसी ने खुद से जोड़ दिया और किसी दूसरो से जोड़ दिया या किसी ने देश से जोड़ दिया।
और मिला जुला के मैंने एक 'definition ' बनाई " many loves , many  definition"
खैर मैं तो निरामूर्ख हूँ, मेरे कहने से क्या होता है लेकिन बाकी सब तो ग्यानी ही पैदा हुए हैं!
फिर क्यों?
एक लड़का "प्यार" में अपना भविष्य, पैसा, परिवार , नौकरी, दोस्ती, और न जाने क्या क्या दांव पर लगा के किसी के सपनो का राज कुमार बनने चल पड़ता है?
एक लड़की सिर्फ "प्यार" के चक्कर में न जाने कितने "यार" बना लेती है!
expectation ?? ये कुछ नहीं बस " जिस तरह से मैं चाहूं बस उसी तरह से काम कर दो" का एक 'one word  substitution' है।
understanding ?? तुम आज तक खुद को  समझे नहीं दुसरे को क्या समझोगे( ओह भूल गयी, ग्यानी अवतारित जन पैदावार है)
blue  jeans  के साथ किस कलर की शर्ट पेहेन नी है ये 'decide ' करने में पूरी अलमारी उखाड़ के फेंक देते हो , जो माँ बाद में समेटती है,
या "black  leggings के साथ fuchsia top " 10 जगह से confirm करने के बाद आखिरकार "green  top  और micro denim  skirt " ही पहनना  है!

किसको दोष दू? और क्यों दू? ये "प्रेमपिपसा " किसी "महाकाली की रक्तपिपासा " से कम थोड़ी न है!!!
घर में "प्यार" नहीं मिलता इसीलिए आप बहार ढूँढ़ते। माँ -बाप को समय नहीं आपके अन्दर चल रहे मंथन को शांत करने और उस ज्वाला मुखी के लावे का विषपान करने के लिए।
आप आज 45 के हो चुके हो, कोई बात नहीं, लेकिन आप भी ये बात जानते हैं, जब आपको "प्यार" हुआ तब क्या कारण था?

"love is  nothing else than the tickling of biological clock, else a menopaused beauty would have chased by thousands of erectile dysfunctional beasts ''
फिर ये definition निकली 

क्या मात्र "सेक्स" ही "प्यार" का आधार है? लोगो से पूछो तो डंके की चोट पर "नहीं" कहेंगे लेकिन दिल में झेंप जायेंगे, क्यूंकि वो जानते हैं उनका "सच" क्या है।
(भूल गए? ज्ञान की पैदाइश???)

समय के साथ बढ़ रहे अपने "यंग इंडिया " पर हमारी "ओल्ड इंडिया" थोडा सा ध्यान दे तो कहीं भटकना न पड़े।
लेकिन उस "ओल्ड इंडिया" पर "ओल्डर इंडिया" ने ध्यान दिया था क्या? या "ओल्डर" पर "ओल्डेस्ट " ने?" 

कुछ बच्चे हम देखते हैं सिर्फ "उज्जवल भविष्य के साथ आगे बढ़ कर  माँ-बाप का नाम रोशन करते हैं" (क्यूंकि पेरेंट्स उनको life का tubelight समझते हैं)
और कुछ माशाअल्लाह "चौ . कामदेव विश्वविद्याला से "PhD in Philanderic Studies ' कर Huge Hefner  बन कर आते हैं?

न मैं माँ-बाप को दोषी ठहरा रही हूँ, ना आज की ज्ञान -रमित बुद्धिजीवी प्रेमी-समिति को, 
बस बेचारे "प्यार" की इतनी मत मारो की वो कहने लगे "human hurts " जैसा हम कहते हैं, " LOVE HURTS "

"प्यार" वो बेचारा उस कुंठित आदमी(frustrated ) की बीवी की तरह हो जाता है जो पड़ोस की बिल्ली मरने का दोष भी अपनी बीवी पर लगता हो।

और क्या कहूँ, आप तो समझदार है ही (भूल गए? हाँ, बस वोही)

Monday, 3 December 2012

"बहुत प्यारे हो तुम


ना कुछ रहा पास अपने,

बस मैं और मेरी तनहाई ,

ये वो सल्तनत है,
जिसके बादशाह भी हम,

फ़कीर भी हम।
कभी आँखों के किनारे भीग जाते हैं,
तेरी याद में इस कदर,
रोये भी हम और हसे भी हम।
रोक लेते तुझे जाने से उस दिन,
मुड़  के ना देखा था तूने जब,
फिर सोचा जो एक पल तू रह गया ,
ऐसे ही कुछ रह लेंगे हम।
तेरी मुस्कराहट थी 
जो माफ़ कर दी तेरी हर खता,

इतने दिलदार नहीं थे
दोस्तों के लिए भी हम।
तेरी कमर पर वो उभरा हुआ तिल ,
आज भी याद है मुझे,
जब झूल जाती थी तू काँधे से मेरे,
कह कर " बहुत प्यारे हो तुम"