Tuesday, 23 October 2012

She's on periods by Himmilicious




Oops..!! She's on periods..!!



Well... By now you all must have a girlfriend(s) and most of you must be married. And for those who’re single, here’s the mantra to be THE BESTHALF to your lady! You often get pissed off at your woman’s irritating behavior all of a sudden. She makes an issue of almost anything, fights with you, doesn't talk to you, yells, cries, talk negative and depressive, some may lead to talk about suicide and some actually go mad!
Well my dear male friends, You need to understand the “XX CHROMOSOME” She ( the whole women community) behaves “STUPID” before and during their periods! I’m not writing anything new or unknown or some kind of “Hawww” thing. It’s just a simple, helpful article for the betterment of your relationship!

WHY THIS KOLAVERI DI….????

Well... This is called PMS, or premenstrual syndrome, means the symptoms that some females get before (and sometimes during) their periods.

These symptoms are caused by CHANGING HORMONE LEVELS. She might get headaches, depression, food cravings, backaches, moodiness, breast tenderness, a bloated feeling or weight gain, pain in the joints, and general tiredness. She may have cravings for sugar, salty foods or chocolate before menstruation. Actually almost anything!!!!!! The changing levels of hormones that control the menstrual cycle may lead her to hogging her food. She can eat.. Eat.. Eat and eat (including your brains) and SHALL COMPLAINT about her weight gain. MEANS.. SHE WON’T FEEL GOOD AT ALL..!!

What you can do..? Um.. Make her a good cup of coffee (or whatever she takes) and grab her in your arms... 


UNDERSTAND HER:
yeah!! She needs you to listen.. Actually she wants you to SHUT THE FUCK UP! I know it’s kinda boring to listen to a crap of the girls when they talk about her neighbours’ dog and for her being a LOOSER because she doesn't have one! Makes sense?? NO! I know!! :)
BE WITH HER: Okay, It is next to impossible. She might not like your presence, she gets annoyed with you, yet she wants you to be her side and she will be pissed off with you for being there with her. :) Confusing?? Isn't it? Ha-ha!!
Friends, you please be calm and loving.. Don’t shout! Don’t be harsh!TOLERATE HER be with her! She needs you! Your girl just wants to be treated special. She is emotionally down. Her Body aches and there’s restlessness. She doesn't have balls but balls to face physical problems more that men!! She does a lot for you for the whole month... Doesn't she?

MAKE HER CRY OR LAUGH: I certainly do not suggest you to fight... please! Just provide with some outlet to her emotions. Make her cry with emotional talks, make her laugh with jokes, give her massage (if you’re physically present) in case you’re not available AT LEAST YOU CAN BE NICE ON PHONE. let her burst her anger on you or DO SEX! 

Umm yes... mostly Women are numb and can’t get sexually arouse but some are wild! (Good for you) what nature she posses.. You know better! Well to sum up, I’d say DON’T GIVE HER LECTURES or DON’T COMPLAINT about her Bad behaviour, you will just make the situation worst.

She may hate you! Trust me she will, if you don’t understand her. She may seek emotional dependency from any other male friend (which is worst than making Physical Relationship) She may disrespect you. Or she may commit suicide (in extreme depressive case)
No medicine can help it. The only this that can help is you LOVE and sweet nature. I’m sure you’re caring and that’s why she’s with you. She has chosen you to be her life partner. She gives you all the physical and mental pleasures now she needs you!

Men do not understand how complicated women’s health is. She’s not a robot or she’s not born to be a provider. She is a human being, most delicate and precious to you... Sometimes... all she needs you to hide her into your arms. She can’t explain the pain, when you shout on her, especially when she needs you the most... (Usually it’s a disgust feeling of giving her life to a wrong man) Don’t let your angel to be an evil by not understanding her... Relationship is always two ways... you know it better that me.. because you’re living it.

have a happy love life..

Monday, 1 October 2012

Media ka Bhoot by himmilicious

Media...
Me-diya (Media)
jisme sab diya hi diya hai ji.. no liya!
Chahe vo good performance ka credit ho.. ya salary ka account me debit ho..
jagmagati duniya, T.V par aate reporter.. badi badi celebrities ke chatar-patar batiyate reporter..
and to be honest, dude.. they travel by scooter!!
yaad hai mujhko, bachpan se main bhi ‘me-diya” me jana chahti thi.. bas.. parmatma ne “dene” se bacha liya.. warna bujhe hu
ye “diye” ki tarah, khaak chhan rahi hoti aur mere likhe article , Miss. Aarti ka kal hote..
“Aarti..?? haan, vohi.. jo har channel, har newspaper aur har “Me-diya” agency me hoti hai..
jisko hum jaise log dekh kar man-hi-man namak pade kenchuon ki tarah kulbulate hain.. aur vo din-ba-din “dayan-mehengai” ki tarah promotion par promotion nigalti jati hai..
..thoda dosti badhate huye maine usko kaha..” areh.. aarti, suno.. ye maine kuchh likha tha.. tum toh MEDIA me ho.. zara kuchh dekh lena”
aisi jehrili madhubhari muskurahat thi ki murda fir madhumeh se gusalkhane me chitt ho jaye.. “haan haan.. sure baby.. you write really well”
.. bas, yahin meri akal lota liye apni lungi sukhane khet me gayi thi, subah akhbaar uthaya toh, mere lekh par lagi leekh me se juyein nikal aayi thi.. aur niche naam likha tha.. Miss. Aarti!!
you write really well” ke “well” me mujhe dhakka de gayi.. aur jab main apna gobar puta sa muh lekar use mili.. toh “thanks darling” kehte huye “all is well” ka gana suna gayi!!!!
bas…!! Usi din dadi ji ki kahani yaad aa gayi “chudailo ki nagri” chamchamati.. dil lubhati.. andar ghuste hi jo tel pila danda andar jata hai bhaisaahab kya batayein..
creativity ka keeda peti baandh apne sasuraal bhag jata hai..
shambhu ne gate bandh karte huye kaha tha.. “memsahib.. yahan koi apna nahi.. kya roz roz thaila tange apni likhi huyi pothi uthaye ghoomti ho.”
.. aaj sach me lag raha hai.. jab is khokhli khaai ke andar jhaank kar dekha..
ameer kaise ameer hota hai aur gareeb apne bachche paalne ke liye apni jeebh ko vaccume cleaner banaye kya kya saaf karta hai..
chutiyanandan balasuman iyer se baat huyi toh unhone kaha “areh neech, neech hi rahenge..” maine poocha. “ab media me jatiwad kahan se aa gaya”??
itne me hi piche se chutinder singh boobiya ji (bade hi sammanniye hain sabke)
o ji.. yahan kaun bada aur kaun chota.. sabki bhajiya paao hoti hai..”
trust me I’ve noticed the “sammanniyata”as he left the place..
“Ma#$%^&*(… hai saala budhau, tharki.. kal vo intern aayi thin na.. uska interview isi ne liya tha.. goli kha kar..”
aur sach maniye.. unke thahaako ki goonj me mera media ka bhoot sirf yehi keh paya..
“media ke bhoot, tu hai gadho ka poot.. bhool ke bhi yahan na moot”
abhi kahani ke jaam ko nahi mili saaki hai.. Mrs.Batra se abhi mulakaat baaki hai..
fir milti hu..






© Unskilled, Amateur, Digressed and Impromptu but totally Himmilicious.
“MEDIA"