Monday, 9 January 2017

Dear Men, I am sorry.

You can't blame women for the feeling of disgust towards you. Women adore you and respect you in all forms and phases of their lives but still if we don't know you the first feeling will be of hate and disrespect towards you.
I know it's not your fault but there was an uncle who rubbed my back after giving me chocolate then started rubbing my ass. I hated that uncle and then all the uncles. It wasn't your fault.. 
I don't hate you.
I know you're kind and respectful but there was a cousin who threatened me to strip naked in front of him because he caught me bunking the tuition with my friends once at chaat corner. I hated that cousin and then all the cousins. It wasn't your fault, I don't hate you.
I know you had been protective to all the women you met so far but whenever I travelled by bus there were some unknown men who rubbed their body on my shoulders when I was seated or I could feel them behind when I was standing. They stared at my breast and underarms when I held the handle. I hated the unknown stranger and then all the unknown strangers. It wasn't your fault.
I know you never considered me weak but there were some elderly grandpas and my father too who always rebuked me when I wore jeans and played with my younger ones. They never let me know the good side of you. Always said never to befriend you and stay miles away. You never trusted your kind, how could I? I hated those relatives who made me hate you. I never wanted to.
I know you're good but there were some of you who tried to touch me or when they couldn't because I fought back they painted the walls of the college calling me a whore. All of them passed comments and then some more started talking.. I hated those classmates and then I hated all the college mates.. I don't hate you.
You're amazing, you're adorable but once there was a guy I didn't hate just like you, I loved and touched, I trusted and understood all these people I hated so far or made me hate others were just another side of the world. I was happy you made me complete then you broke it all, you mocked me, you made your friends touch their body over how we made love. You captured it all. I hated you and never could trust anyone at all.
My family gave me to you and said I'll live and die with you henceforth. I smiled and accepted the decision made happy everyone then you started yelling at me, didn't let me work, kept me engaged in family and children, you wanted another you from me I couldn't But I gave you my replica..
Something I thought will change my life l, made it hell and your son, father, brother as well yelled at me as if I'm nothing and can't take decisions.. I hated you, probably the last role you could play in my life..
I don't hate you. You did nothing. But you didn't stop it happening in your surroundings. You became the uncle who didn't do anything but since was another uncle so I thought you'll be the same..
You were not that cousin but you were another cousin..
We never travelled into the same bus but you're also an unknown stranger to me.
We were never in a relationship but I'm scared to go to a party with you, eat and drink with you and have pictures with you.
I'm not married to you but you will be married to someone..
I know it's not your fault. I don't hate you.
But I can't help others of my kind to have this hate for you.
Dear men, I'm sorry.

Sunday, 1 January 2017

बेतुका

ज़िन्दगी क्या है?
एक सवाल बेतुका सा..
बीता साल था एक
ख़्याल बेतुका सा..
खुद ही चाहा, ना मिला,
रूठ गए..
फिर मना लिया ख़ुद को
दे बहाना बेतुका सा..
जिंदगी क्या है?
सवाल बेतुका सा..

कोशिश नाक़ाम करता है वह
दूर जा कर पास आने की,
खोया हमें, पाया तो क्या
फिर यह मलाल क्या है
बेतुका सा, ज़िन्दगी क्या है?
सवाल बेतुका सा..

खोखली गली में थी
अंधेरे आवाज़ गुमशुदा
चीख़ता ज़हन भी था
था यार वो ग़मज़दा
था अलग पर एक साथ
वो रास्ता बेतुका..

ज़िन्दगी है क्या?

Monday, 5 December 2016

If you leave, you will leave me with nothing.

"If you leave, you'll leave me with nothing" he said and kissed her to stop.

She ran fingers in his hair in the mansuetude of care,  the way she used to cuddle him and make him sleep on her breasts, said nothing.

There's an unexplainable crave and desire you feel for someone,when you think of the person all you can imagine that one moment which binds you... maybe that soul locking kiss. When lips are locked with no air between all you could taste the cold saliva and the soft tongue.

"I can't stop thinking, your kisses.. I so miss kissing you" he said grabbing her face between his flat palms.

She said nothing..

"Speak something" he pressed his palms hard and her lips glanced out like pouting baby.

"You never said you love me and wish to spend your life with me.." She said, softly, looking down at her feet.

"I'm a man" he lifted her face and made her look into her eyes. "I can't express the way you want" he explained. "I don't know how do you want me to say it, I act, I do, I just don't have words" he wished he could, anyhow make her feel the pain he is feeling while speaking this all.

"I express my love when I touch you. I kiss you everywhere.I feel your love when you melt down with the pain I give you. I feel our relationship when you scream my name in pleasure" He grabbed her arms and felt the same love running into his nerves.

"This is all physical.. you don't say it" she said, demand to be loosened up.

"Can you explain your desire to release myself deep inside you?" He asked.

She said nothing.. then said "No"

"When you go numb, when you're asleep in my arms with those heavy breathing, our legs like mating snakes, when you feel me inside you and you hold me tight when I am no more in control of my muscles for thirty seconds and more.. when those tears roll down your eyes when you're in pleasure, that is my love, love." he said it all.

"I'm a man, I don't say it, I do" he didn't know what else to say..

"If you leave, you'll leave me with nothing."

तुझसे बेहतर है, मुझपे हंसने वाले

दोस्त बन बन के मिले मुझको मिटाने वाले
मैंने देखे हैं कई रंग बदलने वाले

तुमने चुप रहकर सितम और भी ढाया मुझ पर
तुमसे अच्छे हैं मेरे हाल पे हँसनेवाले

मैं तो इख़लाक़ के हाथों ही बिका करता हूँ
और होंगे तेरे बाज़ार में बिकनेवाले

(अख़लाक़ = इख़लाक़ = शिष्टाचार, सद्वृत्ति)

आख़री बार सलाम-ए-दिल-ए-मुज़्तर ले लो
फिर ना लौटेंगे शब-ए-हिज्र पे रोनेवाले

[(मुज़्तर = व्याकुल, बेचैन, बेबस, लाचार) (सलाम-ए-दिल-ए-मुज़्तर = व्याकुल दिल का सलाम), (शब-ए-हिज्र = जुदाई की रात)]

-सईद राही

Sunday, 4 December 2016

I feel you, changing

I feel you changing
or It's just my insecurities talking.
I've met many on the path
who loved, laughed and kept walking
after they're done, after they've won
I feel you changing
or It's just the fear of losing you.
they taught me it's okay to leave
after you trust, investments you do.
I feel the change, in you..