I failed many times.. I didnt quit and kept trying because I had hope and faith that I will succeed one day since "nothing succeeds like success".. I failed again.. once more try more efforts and lost once again..
My mistake was I was trying something which is actually impossible, because blindly I couldn't change my perception of following the set rules of my life that " try try try and fail but don't fail to try.." And "A quitter never wins or a winner never quits" or may quote " there is nothing called IMPOSSIBLE because itself it says I M POSSIBLE" such quotes and prejudices do not fit everywhere..
..in the pursuit of achieving something I wanted, I made efforts more than it was required, spent resources, emotions, time, and every best possible techniques at my wits end to succeed because of the "obsession to win" but I failed every time I worked harder..
Well, this obsession snatched everything gradually and I didn't notice, or say I avoided to see that I'm losing eventually, everything.. Everyone..
I should have kept open mind and realise, I'm drilling the rock to get water, maybe the rock camouflaged to be a fertile ground or I was blind to trust, avoiding the apparent outcomes..
That's why I say, I'm the dumbest idiot i have ever seen and I'm the most hardworking and dedicated learner I have ever experienced.. Eh.. Too metaphorically I ranted here the philosophical epic verbose none gonna get through..
Maybe that's why I am single, unmarried, self obsessed drama queen trying to cuddle and make others giggle in uncontrollable mirth because I have lived a loyal relationship and got cheated, keep too high expectations from a man hence without keeping space for negotiations, I speak truth and have nothing to hide, and because I know when someone is emotionally shattered or is simply sad, one doesn't need piles of suggestions and solution, evaluation and speculation of faults and errors but needs someone to listen how much it hurts.. How it feels to get hurt.. And to answer just a simple question "why it happened with me? I was right and didn't do wrong!!!"
I be the "because" for someone's "why" for I know the hurt has the answers but not the courage to accept it..
I've seen worst, faced worst, seen unexpected incidents and grew up prematurely and that's why I keep it silly as nothing is as pleasurable as being a fool.. Knowing nothing.. It's not that simple as I want.. Nay, ain't necessary if I'm a finicky with Truth
, dedication and loyalty types 'one man' woman fixation, the others must be like me.. I should keep my skull open too and accept, that I'm nobody..
Also, I'm ready for more worst not because I'm aforementioned idiot of highest order but because I've seen people who stood by me dealing with their problems, in disastrous situation than I'm, and because to do, undo, redo, learn, realize, understand, unlearn and relearn is the journey through the purgatory called THE LIFE!!
Anyways.. Happy Sunday ahead!!